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 Post subject: Re: Kumbaya, m'lord...
PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2010 4:26 pm 
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Fast, furious and i liked the sequence of events but the sentences should be much smaller. If you have to labor to read a phrase, you are reminded that it is a narration instead of being absorbed.

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 Post subject: Re: Kumbaya, m'lord...
PostPosted: Fri Dec 03, 2010 3:51 pm 
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Yeah felt a little chunky to me too, just couldent figure out a way to type them smoother. sorry!!! :cry:

Also; D'oh! only now do i realize i should have had some kind of prior introduction to the lizardman. he kind of just appears out ofnowhere then dies... Lizardman Redshirt...


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 Post subject: Re: Kumbaya, m'lord...
PostPosted: Fri Dec 03, 2010 9:07 pm 
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Well i am not a native speaker, but i am an editor so i will give it a try...

His opponent struck first; a single katana-like blade clashed against the head of the morningstar, which responded in kind with three wild swings -all of them easily evaded by the katana’s giggling wielder. She then retaliated in a flash, with a barely-dodged swipe to Zelkfir’s side.

The middle sentence is still too large, i just did not want to interfere too much with your words.
Hope i am not overstepping any boundaries.

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 Post subject: Re: Kumbaya, m'lord...
PostPosted: Sun Dec 05, 2010 4:28 am 
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pfff, nah its fine. i've heard 90% of a writers job is editing. all i do is do some spellchecking and read it over once or twice to look for grammer or poor sentinceing


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 Post subject: Re: Kumbaya, m'lord...
PostPosted: Sun Dec 05, 2010 9:20 am 
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Well, action sequences are tough no matter how much you edit :-) .

And on an unrelated note, i am bringing to the campfire something nasty this time: i usually order the most unusual item on the menu, and for the first time i botched my choice: Strawberry and Balsamic martini, a combination of strawberries with a touch of balsamic vinegar, is as icky as it sounds :lipssealed: . I will keep on hunting for something else to bring to the table...

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 Post subject: Re: Kumbaya, m'lord...
PostPosted: Sun Dec 05, 2010 9:38 pm 
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Why hasn’t anybody barbequed up some steaks yet?


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 Post subject: Re: Kumbaya, m'lord...
PostPosted: Mon Dec 06, 2010 1:18 am 
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I'm more of dessert bringer myself. But I bet someone out there will answer to the carnivore's cry. :mrgreen:

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 Post subject: Re: Kumbaya, m'lord...
PostPosted: Mon Jan 10, 2011 6:42 pm 
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*in the cold, cold weather, huddles closer to the fire*
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 Post subject: Re: Kumbaya, m'lord...
PostPosted: Mon Jan 10, 2011 7:02 pm 
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~noodge~

Scoot over. Got any more of those marshmallows? And, um, another roasting stick?

~shivers~

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 Post subject: Re: Kumbaya, m'lord...
PostPosted: Tue Jan 11, 2011 1:57 am 
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Always ready to share

(I mean, it is the kumbaya thread :mrgreen: )


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 Post subject: Re: Kumbaya, m'lord...
PostPosted: Tue Jan 11, 2011 12:49 pm 
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I am getting chocolate brownies my sisters made, and grabbing some chestnut cream covered pannetone.
Is Vinsanto too formal for our gathering?

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 Post subject: Re: Kumbaya, m'lord...
PostPosted: Tue Jan 11, 2011 2:39 pm 
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well i'm back in school now. guess i'll need to get back on my arse and writeing again. really dont have any excuse not to now :P


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 Post subject: Re: Kumbaya, m'lord...
PostPosted: Tue Jan 11, 2011 7:52 pm 
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"Drow counter intelligence ate my stories".
This is a good excuse, but do not use it please. Write :D .

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 Post subject: Re: Kumbaya, m'lord...
PostPosted: Tue Jan 11, 2011 9:03 pm 
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Morgana wrote:
"Drow counter intelligence ate my stories".
This is a good excuse, but do not use it please. Write :D .


Could always blame a Kobold, a Displacer Kitten and/or a Wargi for the missing stories.

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 Post subject: Re: Kumbaya, m'lord...
PostPosted: Tue May 31, 2011 2:15 am 
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Sooo... ummmm... anyone mind if i play Lewie and do some Necromancy? Does anyone even still care about this thing? If so,how and why remain a mystery to me.


Soo... yeahhh... about the delay...

Dog, Worgy, beholder, Drow, Cat, Bird, Plane, superman, Zelkfir, Displacerbeast, school, giant fish, Boss, Beholder King, chicken, best freind, fruit cup, powerpuff girls, turky, Lazyness ate my stories.

But the good news is my basement flooded!... wait... anyways! this leaves me with only my laptop to use the internet on, and since my laptop doesent have any games on it, guess what i managed to kick myself into finishing! That's right!


Hire Bun her Lake!

The next thing Zelkfir knew was the sound of loud muffled screams in a familiar voice somewhere in the distance. Opening his eyes, Zelkfir was greeted to the world by a blinding white light that forced his eyes shut again. He blinked several times to allow his pupils to adjust to the sudden change before turning his head to examine his surroundings. He was in a room that looked similar to the infirmary he had brought that Dwarf to several days ago, but full of more advanced looking supplies and magical equipment. Zelkfir’s vision blurred as he propped himself up against the headboard of his bed, his vision clearing moments later to reveal a Drow in a familiar white outfit with a red trim hovering a glowing wand over a very bruised Gnome on the other side of the room. The room itself was much larger then the other infirmary, with larger beds that were lined up against three of the four walls with more space around each one. Zelkfir could still hear the muffled screams; they hadn’t stopped since he woke up. He quietly scanned the room, looking for the source of the commotion, perhaps another patient was in pain? But from what he could see, he and the gnome were the only patients. The other slaves had likely either been killed for promoting the riot, or had been lucky enough to only acquire minor bumps and scratches.

Looking to his left, Zelkfir noticed a small trey on a bedside table, on the trey sat a sewing needle, some thread, and what was likely a wand of some sort. Remembering the battle, Zelkfir brought a hand up to feel his left cheek, he could feel several bumps running down the length of the katana cut, stitches holding the skin on either side together until it healed.

Zelkfir must have gotten lost in the memories of the battle during the riot, as he jumped after feeling another hand overtop his own covering his cheek, apparently the medical Drow had somehow walked over to him without his noticing. Gently, she removed his hand from his cheek and examined the wound, silently separating the hairs on his cheek with her thin fingers to get a clearer view. It was only now that Zelkfir noticed something different about this particular Drow, she wore a head of short, black hair as opposed to the usual white, something he had neither seen nor heard of. The Drow pulled away from Zelkfir’s cheek and cupped his head in her hands; she stared into his eyes for a moment, allowing Zelkfir to see her face in full detail. Pretty, suited the hair, but needed more fur for his tastes.

Finally the Medical Drow released him and left, walking behind one of the two hanging curtains that separated his bed from those next to it. Zelkfir leaned back into the headrest, the muffled yelling still filling the room from someplace nearby. He knew he could recognise the voice, but the sound was just too distorted for him to figure out it’s owner. Suddenly the voice stopped, and as if answering his question, the door to the infirmary was forced open, creating a loud bang as it slammed into the wall next to it. In stormed Vedova, blistering in a visible rage and covered from head to toe in a deep purple suit lined with a pink fur. She stomped her way towards Zelkfir’s bed, looking just about ready to topple the entire thing with him still in it. Zelkfir cringed as she got closer, awaiting whatever likely violent fate she had in store for him. Oddly, the woman was suddenly calm as she entered striking range, and stopped just in front of Zelkfir before leaning in and examining his cheek as the medical Drow had done so just moments before. Vedova sighed and muttered something in Drowish before leaning in and hugging him, pressing his face to her breast and rubbing his back along his second scar while speaking more nonsense in what he assumed was a reassuring tone.

Just as quickly as she had started, Vedova released Zelkfir and turned, her anger emerging once again as Zelkfir was out of her sight. She began yelling and stormed out of the room. Zelkfir watched as Vedova turned to something Zelkfir could not see behind the doorframe and pulled a dagger out of seemingly nowhere, She swung the blade into the air once before turning on her heel and storming away in the opposite direction. She disappeared just as a Drow Zelkfir could barely recognise as the lizardman’s sparing partner fell to the ground, her hands tightly clutching a bleeding neck. A second Drow, this one Zelkfir recognised as his own sparing partner, rushed into the infirmary clutching her own neck, blood visible between her fingers as it gushed out at every heartbeat. She looked around the room wildly before locking her eyes on the wand sitting on the trey next to Zelkfir’s bed, she stretched an arm out in front of her as she rushed towards it, but collapsed to the ground just as she got within reach.

Zelkfir’s eyes turned to the medical Drow who had re-emerged from behind the curtain holding a trey of bread. The two of them just looked at one another for a moment before returning their respective gazes to the pools of blood that were slowly filling the Room. Out of the corner of his eye, Zelkfir could see a blue-armoured boot walk past the door, quickly followed by a slightly larger silver one.


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