Sorry, I meant Drow Slave .55, not 55. I know everyone is on the edge of their seats to find out how (yeah, sure, sure), but here's how it happened
A Drow Slave by Any Other Name
"Jais?", inquired Seara. The Drow torturer walked up to Jais leading a male Drow on a leash, his hands chained behind his back.
"Yes, Seara, what is it now? Are you low on whip oil already? I told you to take it easy with all the new prisoners we've been getting lately."
"No, it's not that. It's this Drow male we caught trying to escape the caverns."
"Escape?", the Drow male exclaimed hurriedly. "No, no, no, I-I-I keep telling you I was lost! Sense of direction was never my long suit. Plus it-it-it's so dank and dark in here my glasses keep fogging up. Could I have my loincloth back, I’m freezing!", he whined.
Seara ignored him. "He was tripping and stumbling around level 7, tunnel C. That's how we caught him. Made so much noise he could have awoken the Beholder King".
Jais looked up from her goblin victim being stretched on the rack and paused, giving her sufferer momentary relief. "What's that funny looking thing on his head?"
"That's his face", said Seara.
"No, what's that on his face?" Jais reached over and took the black-framed object from the Drow male's nose and ears.
"Hey! Those are my glasses! Would you please give them back? I-I-I can't see a thing without them!" He jumped at the screams emanating around him. "On second thought, hang on to them, ok? It's probably better I don't use my eyes right now."
Seara took the glasses from Jais and put them back on the Drow male's face, grinning evilly nose-to-nose with him as she did so.
"If you don't shut up," she said, squeezing the cheeks of his mouth painfully together until they puckered as she did so, "you won't need them ever again."
"Yeephh maammphh", he mumbled.
Jais turned back to her unfortunate prisoner lying before her and began stretching his limbs even further. "Why bother me with this? You know what we do with Drow males attempting to escape." She pointed idly over her shoulder at various torture devices. The Drow male followed her gesture and his eyes grew even wider, his knees buckling.
Seara released his mouth. "Yes, but we seem to have a problem with this." she said, pointing to the tattoo on the Drow male's arm which marked every prisoner or slave.
Jais looked over again and narrowed her eyes. "55? Why is that a problem?"
"Because according to the Slavemaster's Guild there already was a slave with the number 55, an elf. They're not sure if he's alive or dead but until they know they have to assume he's alive.”
“So?” Jais asked.
“So, they can't have two slaves with the same number. You know how anal they can be."
Jais groaned. "Yes, I know, I know. What was the elf slave's name that had 55?"
"Well, that part of the record was lost in a fire in the last battle. But this slave's name is Woodae'Alyn. Strange name for a Drow male I must say."
“Hey!”, Woodae protested. “That’s a very honorable name! It means may your poison sacs always be full, or something like that, I think.”
Jais glared at Woodae. This male was getting on her nerves. "What did the Slavemaster's Guild say we need to do?"
"They said they would need to rename this one by adding another number or changing it entirely with spider acid."
"S-s-spider acid?”, Woodae exclaimed. “W-w-why spider acid? I hate spiders!"
An audible gasp rose above the moans in the room as every female Drow fixed their eyes upon Woodae. Seara tugged on his leash holding it so tight it began to close his windpipe.
"Blasphemer! You DARE disparage our Holy Goddess, Lolth the Spider Goddess?"
"O-o-our G-G-Goddess is a s-s-spider? An oversize bug? I-I-I always thought that was a myth to scare us into obedience. If I had known Lo-lal-lolo... how do you pronounce that again?"
Jais's eyes flashed an unholy brilliance of crimson. Without taking her eyes off Woodae she unlocked the prisoner's chains of the goblin lying before her and pushed him easily off the rack. Then she pointed at Woodae, and then down on the table before her.
"W-w-wait, I-I-I ... there’s been some mistake." Woodae said feverishly.
Jais smiled, frightening Woodae even more. "Oh, yes", she purred maliciously, "and you just made it."
Seara's hand reached out and clasped Jais's shoulder. "Wait, Sister, this miserable fool is right. There is the matter of the Slavemaster’s Guild."
Jais brushed away Seara's hand. "What of it?", she shouted.
"According to the Slavemaster’s Charter, before we can do anything to this... filth... he has to be re-named first."
"What!?", Jais shrieked.
"Oh, good idea. Sensible people these Slavemasters.”, Woodae exclaimed quickly. “I-I-I'd go along with them. Wouldn't want to upset a union you know. First thing you know there's a picket line with Goblins carrying signs reading 'Torturers Unfair to Slavers', a real public relations nightmare. And don’t forget the Mob."
"So re-name him immediately!", Jais shouted. "Do I have to do everything myself?"
"We’re working on it!", Seara shouted back.
"What do you mean, 'working on it'?" Jais's rage was building even more fiercely.
"According to the Slavemaster's Guild, they need to make sure the original slave 55 is dead or if alive his whereabouts. Of course, if he escaped we are free to rename this one immediately."
"Well, have they done so?" Jais was approaching Woodae, who was placing himself directly behind Seara as she did so.
"Now, now, temper, temper. Remember the Slavemaster's Guild. Don't want to damage the merchandise." he said desperately. “Might be causing irreparable harm to Drow/Goblin relations.”
"Not yet, Jais, but they said we can rename him temporarily if necessary." Seara replied.
"Oh, b-b-bad move, I wouldn't do that if I were you. Remember the Union!" Seara was keeping Jais at arms length while Woodae was using her as a shield.
"Why haven't you done so, then?" Jais was reaching past Seara to grab Woodae, who was just barely able to keep out of her clutches.
"Because the Guild says we need to file Form TRS-418-C, the Temporary Renaming Slave paperwork necessary." Seara was pushing back on Jais to keep her from grabbing Woodae.
“Doing a great job, Seara.”, he said. “I’ll see to it you get a new cat-o-nine tails for this”.
"Have you filed the miserable paperwork yet?" Jais was no longer trying to reach for Woodae. Now all her attention was on Seara.
”Yes! I have!”, Seara shouted back, with a shove that rocked Jais on her heels.
“And what did they say?”, Jais screamed, leaping forward and slapping Seara’s face firmly.
Seara glared back in rage. “They said they won’t know for 2-3 weeks, you…”, she leaped upon Jais, and soon the two were wrestling furiously with each other, clawing, hitting, and biting.
"I-I-I hate to interrupt, but I was wondering when supper is served? I'm really, really hungry right now. Just maybe a bagel?", the Woodae inquired.
“What in the 33 hells of Lolth is going on here?”, a voice shattered the dungeon.
Everyone looked up at the top of the stairs to the entrance of the dungeon. There stood Arachne, with a glowering expression.
“Are you the waitress?” Woodae asked. “Good, because I haven’t had a thing to eat since noon. A nice baked gefilte fish loaf would be tremendous.”
Arachne strode down the stairs as Jais and Seara stood and tried to compose themselves.
“I’m waiting.”, Arachne glared.
Jais and Seara spoke quickly together. “It’s this Drow slave we caught him trying to escape he needs to be renamed before we can torture him but we can’t the Slavemaster’s Guild won’t let us just yet we’re going to have to wait for weeks!”, finally turning and pointing at each other. “And it’s all her fault!”
Arachne put her hands over her ears. “ENOUGH!” She scowled at the two. “I thought better of the both of you, squabbling like kobolds over this…”, she turned to Woodae, “what did you say it is?”
“Hey! I’m prime Drow male stock I’ll have you know! Are you in charge? Then you’re just the lady I need to see.”, Woodae said, trying to turn on the charm.
Arachne looked daggers at Woodae, causing Jais and Seara to shiver. Then she smiled, causing them to shiver even more. She walked up to Woodae and took his arm with the tattoo ‘55’ in her hand. She studied it briefly, then spit a tiny bubble onto it, just in front of the first ‘5’.
Screaming immediately, Woodae broke free and began dancing around in pain.
“Ow, ow OW! What was that, do you dip snuff?”, Woodae whined. “Please, d-d-d-does anyone have some iodine?”
Arachne walked over to Jais and Seara. “Let him cry for a bit, then, a cage. And don’t forget to add slave .55 to our rolls.”
“Slave point 55? You mean I’m not even a full number? Owtch, yeowtch, ow, ow, ow, how long does this stuff burn? It’s worse than lemon juice on a paper cut!”
“Arachne?”, Jais asked as she walked past her and Seara, “We apologize for our actions, you of course are right. It was very un-Drow of us.” The two hung their heads in shame.
Arachne walked up to Jais and kissed her, and gave Seara a pat on the rump. “S’ok”, she said, walking away. Then she paused and looked back, the old Arachne frown back. “This time.”
“And what about slave .55? What if the Slavemaster’s inquire after him?”, Seara asked.
Arachne grinned. “Let them inquire. I’ll be happy to… work it out with them.”