Rich Morris' Comics - YAFGC and The ComixBlog

To quote an FBI guy I knew: Assumption is the Mother of all Screw-ups.

Recent Captain Fang comments reminded me of one of Dante's adventures. Dante was a Wizard I played in the same game I mentioned before, I started playing Dante when Lazarus 'retired' at around level 7, and I continued playing him until the game ended at level 21. Dante was from a custom race of Elves, highly intelligent (+2 like a Grey-Elf), immune to fear, but with a hefty wisdom penalty (-4). He's also the character that after the campaign made that DM change to point-buy stats, I rolled obscenely well during character creation.

Anyway at about level 18 I wanted to craft a magic belt which would give me +6 to all stats (from the Miniatures Handbook), I was to be crafting it for free as a party member had paid me to get them one, so I had the material's for 2. My problem was that it would take me 200 days to craft the belts and I just didn't have the time.

Dante began researching other dimensions and how time works there, there is rules reference to sub realms where time passes 10x as fast, but no examples, and not even Planeshifters can craft that trait. But I was given one risky options, The Far Realm which is completely outside of time. Unfortunately the Far Realm is probably the most dangerous place in the multiverse and not somewhere easy to reach. Dante learned he could open a gateway by using an Alienist as a key, Alienists are basically batshit crazy Wizards that follow creatures from beyond such as Cthulhu and regard the Far Realm as heaven.

After tracking down a small cabal of Alienists a deal was made and a gate opened. Through the gate was the shifting madness you'd expect, two of the Alienists took off through the gate, one I saw getting eaten by a floating worm thing, and a third alienist that I managed to stop was zapped into a pile of dust by strange energy. The gate was closed leaving me with a bag of Alienist dust and a strange fish mutant thing (recruited as a companion thing by the parties Druid, why I don't know). Dante took the dust for a Speak With Dead to try to glean some better intel (we had some misconceptions on the workings of the spell). The spell worked in a sense as the bag answered questions, but it gave nonsensical answers (like Captain Fang answers), and the spell never wore off.

Realising he was delving into places beyond his understanding Dante sought the aid of his mysterious grandfather. It was previously written into his background that his grandfather was a powerful (re: epic level) Planeshifter. Given such a novel situation his grandfather agreed to help, and this time they worked with a plan. Mind Blank spells were used to prevent the risk of insanity and another gate was opened (using the bag of dust as a key). A wish spell was used to stabilise an area of the shifting chaos, and Dante's grandfather erected Walls of Force for walls and ceiling of a safe haven. Dante crossed over into the force enclosure and happily spent 200 days crafting outside of time, with his Small Fire Elemental Familiar and a mad talking bag of dust for company. At the end of it the dust was used as a key again and Dante returned home (my DM said afterwards that he rolled with a 50% chance of failure, I'm not sure if he did or if that was said to stop me doing that again).

Anyway that's how Dante got his super bling belt, and a crazy talking bag of dust.

Well, as promised in the message I put in the "Introduce Yourself" thread, I am going to share here some of the stories I have accumulated in 25 years of gaming (mostly as a DM).

I shall begin with stories involving a wizard played by one of the guys from my very first gaming group (and what a group that was... it lasted for quite a while! Ah, memories...). That wizard was a total weakling: Risible STR score, rather miserable CON... Very quickly he decided that he would have to be rather ruthless in manipulating everybody around him in order to survive. The result? He became the epitome of *UTTER BASTARDRY*. Never before OR since have I seen such sonofabitchery in a single character. The fascinating thing was how he managed to manipulate everybody else in the group, so that they wouldn't kill him or abandon him. It was amazing.

Anyway... The group of "heroes" was hired by the inhabitants of a village in order to clear a cave full of zombies and other nasties that were attacking/raiding the village more or less regularly. Our brave adventurers say: "why, sure!" and boldly go towards the cave of EVIL (TM) intent on cleaning it up.

They managed to make such a mess of it that they were thoroughly whipped by the zombies they met. So, like a man, and like Sir Robin, they bravely ran away, with the zombies in pursuit.

On the path that they had followed earlier on in order to go to the cave.

The path that went directly TOWARDS the village.

Our brave adventurers, being rather faster than the zombies, put some terrain between themselves and their pursuers, and decide that they will leave the path and hide among the bushes some distance away. The zombies, unintelligent beings that they are, just keep walking along the path. The adventurers are hiding among the bushes in foetal position and don't see that.

After enough time has passed, our heroes decide that it might be OK to go out and go back to the village. As they approach it, they see a reddish luminosity on the horizon. Then they see that the village is burning, and that there is a welcome committee waiting for them in the form of a mob armed -as mobs are wont to do- with pitchforks, torches, scythes, and other agricultural implements. Hilarity ensues as the villagers shout: "HERE THEY ARE!", the adventurers scream like girls and scatter, and a free-for-all ensues: Heroes running alone or in twos, pursued by enraged peasants intent on, at the very least, castration.

So... Our very bastardy wizard ends up on the top of a tree along with an elvish ranger while a bunch of villagers are chopping the tree down. As the tree beings to sway to and fro, the ranger looks with a tinge of panic at the wizard and asks: "What are we going to do?!" The wizard looks at him calmly and replies: "You, I don't know. As to me... (whips up scroll of "teleport") BLABLABLABLA ABRACADABRA!" *KAPOOOF*

As the tree fell, the last words of the ranger were: "SON OF A BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH!!!"

More stories about Bastard McWizardy later

JoseB

Ah, yes, that group.

Been there, done that.

Will get pounded on if I break the Oath of Silence.

Well... The story continues!

Our heroes manage to survive the onslaught of the irate mob of peasants with just a couple of casualties (the aforementioned ranger and another guy). The unofficial leader of the group (a big fighter, lawful good with stupid tendencies) arranged a deal with the headman of the village: In exchange for letting them live, they are going to go back to the caves, get rid of the monsters, AND pay the villagers for the costs of rebuilding their town (of course, forget about getting paid for the job!).

They go back to the caves and this time, having learned their lesson, applying some tactics and such, manage to vanquish their foes and do a proper cleanup of the place.

At which point they finally reach a place that is rather nicely furnished, with quite a bit of treasure there (more than enough to pay the villagers and leave something left over) and, on a reading lectern, a reeeeeeeally nifty-looking magic tome of some kind.

Bastard McWizardy sees the tome, sweeps it up and says: "MINE". But there was another magic-user in the group, who complained vocally, saying: "Hey! You are always scooping the really good magic stuff! Leave that for me, I never get to have anything reasonably cool!" Well, Bastard McWizardy essentially says "Screw you, I saw it first, finders keepers"... Things escalate... And within a very short amount of time we have a full-blown brawl *among the adventurers*, divided in two bands, fighting with great enthusiasm, while the lawful good fighter is trying to stop the altercation by beating sense into everybody.

It is at this juncture that the owner of the place arrived. Picture, if you will, a lady who comes home, perhaps carrying her shopping, only to find a group of lunatics fighting like crazy in the middle of her living room, with a big fighter hitting everybody while shouting: "STOP IT! STOP IT!". To give the final touch to the picture, I should add that the lady in question was a gorgon.

She stood there, amazed, seeing that the adventurers *did not pay any attention to her*. She tiptoed towards the melee, and actually tapped one of the "heroes" (a dwarf, if my memory isn't mistaken) on the shoulder. The guy actually half-turned, shouting: "LEAVE US ALONE! Don't you see we're bus-OOOOHSHIIII...!"

Pandemonium ensued.

Well, miraculously enough, saving throws kept being made by almost everyone, and after a long slog the gorgon was defeated and eliminated. The lone exception? Why, Bastard McWizardy! He got petrified by the gaze attack of the gorgon. Now, in our group, I had introduced some house rules in the form of extra tables to roll whenever some effects took place. One of those was for petrification: If someone was petrified, we rolled 1d20. On a 20, something "special" happened, and the table was whipped out. Things that might happen ranged from being transformed into a blob of mud to... well...

The d20 was rolled, and a 20 came up. So, another roll on the table: 20 again! That meant... yep... That our favourite sonofabitch had been transformed into a statue made of a single, perfect, pure *diamond*.

After the battle was over, and the adventurers were picking up the spoils, they had to decide what to do with their "gemified" comrade (I know, maybe this is stretching a bit the word "comrade", but stay with me here). And another fight broke out: One faction wanted to take the statue and sell it. The other faction wanted to take the statue, *break it into pieces* and *sell the pieces*

It is here that our heroic lawful good fighter intervened again, bonking heads against each other and making an impassioned speech, saying how their duty was to take their friend to someone who could lift the curse, how he was sure that this experience would be a lesson to their friend so that he could see the error of his ways and mend them, etc. etc. Given that he was the unofficial leader of the group, apart from being the biggest guy there with the most humongous battleaxe, the rest of the adventurers grudgingly followed his advice. Nonetheless, this convinced everybody in the group that this guy was definitely lawful good with stupid tendencies.

Well, Bastard McWizardy had the curse lifted and became a being of flesh and blood again. I will post more of his adventures later on ^_^

JoseB

On a similar note...we had this really greedy fighter who i have mentioned in this thread before...adventuring in Ravenloft again. She picked up a cursed staff, (well, she picked up anything, and that being Ravenloft she ended up cursed or possessed a lot). When she started talking in tongues the group casted hold person on her, and started wondering what to do. The Bard had the fine idea of killing her to remove the staff, and thus the curse, and then ressurect her again. He was voted down, but when the held fighter was freed from the hold peson, her first act was to go up the bard, hit him on the head with the staff, and then go back to her corner and wait for the others to cast hold on her again, in case they felt she had overdone it.
And Beina, if you are reading this, yes, your brand new rune sword is cursed too

I have a new one. It being the break between Summer terms right now (and leading up to the Fourth), I have enough free time to play a few demos. And with all the rain lately leading to a quantum explosion in the mosquito population, other activities such as paintball are out.

So we have some people who've never played before available.

So, we're running an indie boardgame from somewhere, with us the Third Army and the GM playing the Panzers. And one of the newbs ended up being our officer by luck of the draw. Problem is, he's not big on confrontation and isn't very decisive. Worse yet, the rest of us are the typical borderline psychopath violence is the only way to win the game types.

So, we get an ambush set up, with Shermans on both sides of a valley and the Germans trying to sneak up the valley floor. And the newb keeps saying almost, not quite, they aren't going where I want...

Finally, he says "Oh Shoot."

So we did.

After reading the comic past cuple of days I got to tell this little story.

I was in game with my freinds doing this strange story ower DM came up with nothing too new right? .
When we heard a scream off the road and like any heros we invsicated.
We get through the trees and find a small boy up a tree being attacked by a Bulette.
But I was the first one who saw it so i yeld to the rest of the party it was a land shark.
The DM stoped the action right there, look right at me across the table and sead, "It was a Bul-something not a land shark."
The rest of the group was looking at me so I asked, "Is it a monster with four legs, built like a sherman tank, and has a large spike like thing on its back."
The DM sead, "Yes." So I blurted out "Its a land shark."
My freind who worked so hard thinking up this whole story and researched all the monster, who was also the DM that night was going to loose it right then and there.
He stamerd trying to pronouce that monsters name so he finlly in a huff pulled out the monster manual.
He fliped a few pages and show the group the monster picture and sead, "this is it a Bulette."
Then he read out loud, "Bulette, also known as a land shark Shut Up Nick!"
Yah, we had to take a brake after that because none of us could stop laughing.

The first time I ran 7th Sea, about ten years ago, I did it like a weekly TV serial. I would start each session with a short introductory scene, and then pause for the "theme music" during which, if I had anyone in mind as "someone who would be a good choice to play one of this week's NPCs", I would name them as a guest star.

So....

Me: You are travelling through the Schwarzenwalder when you hear something coming through the underbrush towards you.

Players: We get ready for battle.

Me: Whatever-it-is stumbles out onto the road ... it's a little girl, maybe about eight or nine years old. "Help," she says, "bandits ... my brother...." and then she faints.

Players: We go over to help the girl.

Me: (Cue theme music) Tonight, on The 7th Sea ... (usual introductory spiel) ... guest starring Christina Ricci--

Players: We kill the girl.

(I guess this is funnier knowing that Christina Ricci's most recent work at the time was as Wednesday Addams in "Addams Family Values"....)

New one here too: in my games, all the inns have animal names. The Green Fox, the Dead Weasel, etc. They snort every time they hear a new one, but it is easier for me and funny.
Last week, they dined in the The Sick Pig.

A buddy and former GM of mine (miseri's played with him as well) had a world in which every last damn thing as a pun name and not in English, either. The town's brothel was called the Heterarium. The boisterous tavern was the Tintinabularium. I can't for the life of me remember the name of Moyne, Son of Moyne's bar, but it was shaped like a seashell and had another latin-esque word pun to it.

That game spawned PCs like the drunken monk 'Sirius the Solemn,' the dread pirate Lightning Leo Dufus (pronounced du-FOOS, if you please), and 'RENAISSANCE MAN!, defender of the weak!' a meek-and-mild gnome, who by night put on his steam-driven power armour to protect the streets.

It was weird as hell, but we had fun.

That same GM ran Dungeons and Dragons: The Drinking Game for us one year, in a campaign called Labatt's in La Belfrey. The evil priest Hienekin, iirc, had taken over the Temple of the Eternal Blue Light, and we had to go in to save the world... for every hit point of damage you took, you had to shoot a shot of beer. And every character also had a gimmick for taking extra shots.

I don't remember much past midnight that night. Ahhh, freshman year.

Miseri, weren't you there for that one?

Ahhh, college drinking games. If I could remember any, I'd tell you about them.

Okay, so recently my character Taeshalee (incredibly chaotic albino elf with a shadow problem) came into possession of a ring of three wishes. (Coincidentally a pit fiend threw it at her after she she blew a raspberry at it, insulted its mother, and shook her butt at it 'I fart in your general direction!' But that's another story.) Given that at the time she had two party members, each of them made a wish. The fallen paladin wished for atonement, and for a moment felt the grace of his god smiling upon him. The warmage wished for a quest, and an old man suddenly appeared and told us of a moving tower filled with artifacts and lost magic. Taeshalee promptly wished for 'super special awesome shiny new gear!'
The clouds party, and a bright light appeared, shining down upon her. And then she was struck by lightning.
After the laughing died down the DM told me which gear had been upgraded to what, and Taeshalee was fortunately unharmed.

I have more funny stories but they're longer.

I d' say you were lucky . Most DMs would grab the chance to inflict a humiliating and slow death, upon having the Wish spell mentioned.
Also, i am talking for myself here but i think we could handle a long story.

Long or short, as long as it's interesting, I'd say. We've already had some novellas here.