Medea and Hera were wronged
So was Lilith, by modern standards. Actually, in all three cases, the 'man' in question (Jason, Zeus and Adam) acted in a way that was considered perfectly acceptable by the society in which the myth originated. That's why all three of those 'women' were considered villainesses in the original myths. It is only with the advent of modern feminism that they began to be seen as anything other than evil monsters.
Really, most stories from European and Middle-Eastern mythology are hideously misogynistic in their original form. Personally, I much prefer the more modern versions that cast traditionally 'evil' female archetypes in a more sympathetic role, because to me myths are only of value inasmuch as they are relevant to their audience (which is why I'm a huge fan of Marion Zimmer Bradley).
But I see no reason to arbitrarily adapt some
mythic villainesses to modern feminist heroines, while excluding others. If you see Hera and Medea as tragic heroines who were wronged and whose vengeance was entirely justified, then why not see Lilith the same way?
Or do you, and I've just totally misunderstood your post?
Lolth was pretty obviously named after Lilith, anyway.
Oh, and I'm still sticking with my original contention that we only know Lolth's motivations in the Forgotten Realms
setting. In 4th edition core, we don't know why Lolth turned against Corellon, so it's entirely possible she was the wronged party in that
setting. Given that Corellon is now hooked up with the goddess of love, inconstancy and "doing whatever the £%$& you want and hang the consequences", it seems quite plausible that he did a Zeus to Lolth's Hera.
Plus Medea or Hera are nowhere as sexy
Ya gotta love someone so sexy she became the original
succubus. And by "gotta love", I of course mean...